So my buddy called because he's at the end of his rope with his never satisfied wife. It's a dilemma I hear all too often, and I agree wholeheartedly with the guy, and similar situations. If your husband works 9+ hours a day and you're afforded the comforts of being a stay-at-home mom, you should cook (or learn to cook if you don't), and at least make an attempt to clean the house. As a stay-at-home mom, I understand that juggling household tasks is difficult with kid(s) in tow and I'm by no means a neat freak, but the effort -- or lack thereof -- is noticed by your partner, and can certainly kill the spark that would perhaps translate into romance.
My advice: discuss whether or not your partner should continue to be a stay-at-home parent if they're never satisfied, miserable, and/or not pulling their weight. Being a stay at home parent is a luxury, and for couples that transition from dual income to allow one to stay at home, there is added pressure on the bread winner to ensure that the risk of financial collapse is absent. On top of the financial pressure, now add the burden of your wife wanting you to "be more present" when home from work, because she wants someone to talk to and/or so she can have a break from the kids. So what if the trade-off between allowing your wife or partner to be a stay-at-home parent isn't working for you anymore? What if you resent your wife for never being satisfied, but you can't say anything to her about it, because that turns into an all-out blowout? You're sick of coming home to a messy house. She doesn't cook, so instead of being able to come home and relax to a nice meal, you have to load up the kids and wife and drive to a restaurant where you spend two to three times what a home cooked meal costs, and you're irritated because the kids won't sit still and be quiet. Then, your wife wants you to manage the kids so she can have a break? I'm not perfect, but in a word, I find wives like this selfish. I refuse to be around them because they are cancerous to their marriage, family, and other relationships. Women like this need to get it together, or think about getting a job so that you're not as stressed, you quit annoying your partner, and quite frankly, you're supplementing your retail therapy sessions by bringing in an income.
I'm writing about this for the good men losing their voice at the hands of a nagging wife. It takes two for a relationship to fail, but ladies, all too often your never satisfied b!tch!ng and blaming, can wear a man down. Nagging wears down the entire family. In addition, it's rare to find articles that advocate for men, in the never-ending sea of women's magazines. Now, in all fairness, most women will have a bit of postpartum while others suffer a great deal from it. And every parent deals with birth and child rearing differently. That being said, many men cannot understand the stress associated with postpartum or being at home 24/7 with children. But he should also not be the punching bag for your frustrations when he gets home. I've spoken with countless girlfriends that complain the romance is gone and/or their spouse doesn't give them the quality time they want. Well, my answer is simple: if you're constantly unhappy and nagging and not pulling your weight as a housewife, perhaps he has no desire for quality time after arriving to a messy house without dinner on the table, and now he's supposed to watch the kid(s)? Of course there are some situations where the woman has just cause in her nagging, but I'm not talking about those cases! Overall, there is an inherent need and desire for a man to be that hero -- that knight in shining armor that saves the damsel in distress and takes care of the family. And while many households are dual-income, if your guy is pulling all the financial weight, and all you're doing is complaining while spending the hard-earned money, no wonder he rather work 6 days a week, or go to the bar or gym with his buddies after work. All I'm saying is reconsider and redirect your complaining into something productive and positive. The last thing someone wants to do after a long day is come home to nagging and screaming kids.
Taking care of a family is hard and requires patience, not only by the parent caring for the child, but as a couple in understanding each others' hurts, wants, and needs. For this, communication is key. I implore everyone in this situation, to talk to their partner so that you can reevaluate if being a stay-at-home parent is what's in the best interest of you, your partner, your relationship, and your family.
"A strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It is a husband and wife who take turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak." -Ashley Willis
-OzzyMommy
Please check out our website ozzybaby.com or email ozzy@ozzybaby.com.
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