Sex After Baby

Sex After Baby? In the words of my sarcastic husband, "What sex?!"

To begin, congratulations on the birth of your child. You may or may not be ready for sex, because you and your partner have some fears of whether or not it will be the same, or you're concerned about being completely healed.  I assure you that you can have great sex after pregnancy.

Womens' libido postpartum varies from person-to-person, and while I'm sure I speak for most women when I say that I have no problem climbing into bed with my husband (to sleep or out of sheer exhaustion), getting your groove back is a separate matter! The concern for both partners is very real. Will it be painful? Is she fully healed? If you're nursing, how hot or not are leaking breasts?! Or the big question: What if I get pregnant again? All of these are valid questions and concerns, and the key to easing back into sex is communicating with your partner, as well as educating yourself. Here are 7 tips for easing back into sex postpartum.

1. First and foremost, make sure you've gotten the green light from your practitioner. This typically occurs within six weeks, but varies on whether or not you gave birth vaginally or via C-section. Also, women know their body. So if you feel like your body is ready to get it on sooner, then go for it!
2. Just do it! You have to test the waters before diving in, and to rekindle that fire, it's necessary to have sex in order to determine what hurts, what feels good, and perhaps what changes have occurred in order to mix up positions.
3. A glass of wine and some lube can do the trick. It can be difficult for a women post-pregnancy to want to ease back into sex given body changes. To help unwind and prevent tensing up, there's nothing like a glass of wine and some lube to help slide right in!
4. Romance and compliments. In the words of #Patti Stanger of Millionaire Matchmaker, "Women fall in love between their ears. If (men) don't speak (and romance), we can't feel juicy-goosey downstairs," and therefore have no desire for sex.The key to easing her back into sex is making her juicy-goosey! Saying something obnoxious or frustrating is NOT going to turn her on, and will ultimately rule sex out for that evening, especially since the sleepless nights, leaking breasts, and having to make time to figure out when to shower isn't making her feel sexy. Taking the time to compliment and/or make her feel appreciated and sexy is critical in getting her to want to have sex again. 
5. Experiment - This goes back to what feels good and what doesn't. So many changes have taken place in her body, that positions that used to work, may not work anymore. Find positions that put less pressure on areas that may have been stitched or are painful, and take it slow. 
6. Communicate - You have to remember that the woman typically dictates when to sex will take place, but it's important to ensure that your partner feels wanted as well. After all, they've had to wait six weeks -- or more -- too, and they are counting down the days ladies, so get ready for them to pounce! Taking time to fulfill each other's needs is critical. 
7. Date Night - Make time for each other. Once the baby is born, your life will change, as everything is centered around your new little being. Taking time at least once a month (preferably weekly) to unwind as parents without baby is crucial to your sanity. It's also necessary so that the primary caregiver has some time to enjoy the presence of another adult without baby, to maintain some adult interaction. Date night is one of the most important factors in our relationship, as it gives us the ability to communicate, to enjoy each others company, and keeps that special romance ingredient alive.