In an era where school teachers are afraid to call home and report a child's misbehavior for fear of parent backlash, to restaurant owners and nail & hair salons outright banning children from their establishments, we are in a time where kids are behaving badly and no one is holding them accountable. The question at hand: Is it okay to correct other people's children?
I found myself having this conversation with a girlfriend whose parenting style is very similar to mine. But as she told me about the instance that occurred with her this past weekend, my reaction was completely opposite of hers. She was angry that a store clerk told her children to stop sampling candy as opposed to alerting her first, so she could discipline them. It prompted a dialogue that led to this blog. I believe it's okay (and in some instances beneficial) for your child to be disciplined by someone else. There are general instances that warrant others saying something to my child for behaving badly, particularly when I don't witness the behavior. To be clear, this blog is addressing verbal discipline only, and my view in circumstances where kids are behaving badly goes like this: if you're not going to say something to correct your child's behavior, then I might. For example, if your child is making it unsafe for my child or other children; if your child is exceptionally rude, annoying and loud in public, I feel it's okay for a stranger to offer correction.
As parents, it's our responsibility to correct the behavior of our child, but we're not going to be there 100% of the time. So if another adult steps in to regulate, why not? It takes a village. There's a reason that establishments have started putting signs on doors that read "No children allowed." And while I don't believe in parent-shaming (all the time), I certainly frown upon parents that ignore or reward bad behavior as though it's a phase. Those "phases" and lack of boundaries create failures in life, and while you can't predict whether or not a child is truly a "bad seed" (e.g. Hitler, Charles Manson, etc.), allowing other parents to say something to correct misbehavior shouldn't be an issue. Hell, I'm going to say something eventually if your kid is acting a hot mess and disturbing my peace. The one caveat that needs to be taken into account is when parents are at least trying. I think the general public and other parents can relate to various instances when we simply can't control the tantrum (e.g. the terrible two's), but trying to, makes all the difference to onlookers. For instance, the parents who bring a baby on an airplane. Everyone's dreading it. No one wants to sit next to you. But the key is the effort taken to hush baby or toddler when s/he cries, versus ignoring it. The attempt to correct a situation is what matters, and when everyone sees that despite all efforts, the parent simply cannot console or prevent the behavior, others sympathize.
This is a controversial topic and I understand not everyone will agree with my take. However, sometimes a stranger correcting our kid(s) is the dose of medicine needed to shatter their pride. Your child will likely be embarrassed and at the same time shocked that someone else saw them behave that way, and in the same way, it should also awaken something in the parent, if the child's bad behavior in public is a regular thing and noticed by others. It's a way to reflect. And with that, I'll leave you with a few instances where I have -- and I will again -- say something to your kid if you won't!
- Playground étiquette: If all the kids are trying to come down the slide and your kid keeps trying to walk up the slide and you won't say anything to him/her to prevent the others from getting injured, then I will. Don't get mad at me, because you won't discipline your child, when every other parent in the park is waiting for you to say something.
- Restaurants: Don't bring your screaming kid to a quiet or fancy restaurant to ruin everyone else's romantic or happy hour evening. In this scenario, no one cares if you're trying to quiet your kid. You have five minutes to control your child, or I'm saying something, because there are a million other restaurants to take antsy children where no one would notice them screaming, and they'd enjoy themselves without disturbing everyone else, not-to-mention you'd be more at ease. So don't steal others' enjoyable evening, especially when I paid for a babysitter myself to avoid situations like yours!
- Nail & Hair Salons & Spas: All of these should be kid-free, unless your child is of an age where they understand that it's quiet time and you sit until mommy is done. Don't ruin the serenity and relaxation for everyone else, or I will, and I repeat, I WILL say something to your child if you don't catch my evil eye hint the first two times I gave it to you. Everyone paid for a RELAXING experience, and we need you and your bad kids to beat it!
- Coughing/Sneezing: If your child is a tween or older and coughing and sneezing without covering their mouth or turning their head, that's just nasty. No one wants to see those little germ particles fly their way. Teach your kid to cover their mouth or turn their head away from folks, because I don't want to be hit by slobber.
- Bumping into people or blocking areas: If your child is racing and running to a door or an elevator almost knocking people down, someone should correct that behavior. If they're taking up the entire aisle in the grocery store, but they see someone is trying to get past with their basket and they won't move, if you as a parent are standing there and won't say something to your child, someone needs to, and it might be me!
I saved this last one because I loathe parents that expect the world to accommodate their child in situations where they've got to be kidding me! Parents should be held accountable first and foremost for their actions, if not, it may lead others to speaking up about the bad behavior.
- The local bar: Years ago, as a few friends and I went to happy hour and were sitting at the bar watching some guys shoot pool, a few parents and a little league team entered and sat at a table in the pool room. About an hour went by, when one of the moms sternly said to one of the guys that had been drinking and shooting pool, "Could you and your buddies watch your language? There are kids in here." To the guy's shock and amazement, he replied, "You brought them to a fu@k!ng bar!!! Why don't YOU leave?!" Needless to say, I think she stood corrected. Don't make anyone discipline you, or your kids! #Lessonlearned
-OzzyMommy
Please send your comments to ozzy@ozzybaby.com and visit our website at ozzybaby.com
No comments:
Post a Comment