Only Child: Spoiled, Selfish and Lonely?

"Call me selfish but, as the mother of one child, I enjoy more time, energy and resources than I would if I had more children. And it is hard to imagine that this isn't better for my family as well as for me," writes Lauren Sandler, author of One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child and the Joy of Being One. I could not agree more. And while I am not an only child, why should I feel guilty for wanting an only child? I'm proud to say that my daughter has plenty interaction with other children, so I am not concerned about her being lonely, not-to-mention, she gets an enormous amount of undivided attention that children with siblings crave. And despite the societal pressures to have more than one child, today's parents are waiting longer and having fewer children, and one out of five families has an only child. Given the figures, I'd have to argue that only children aren't so bad, and there are many studies to prove it.

As my husband and I were thinking about our friends and how many of those are only children, it's interesting to see that most of our well to-do friends are in fact, only children from excellent backgrounds. Their parents were career-driven and college-educated, and their child has excelled in career as well. So the contention that only children are lonely, spoiled, and selfish is rather interesting, and while I've heard from some that they wished they had a sibling, those very same kids indicated that it was great not having the competitive clash many siblings experience. The notion that only children are selfish and spoiled is also interesting, because while others may hold that opinion of only children, studies indicate they're no more self-involved than many other children, and only children tend to have higher self-esteem, demonstrate higher intelligence and achievements (both personally and career) because parents devote more attention, time and money to them. What is more, my husband and I began to notice that among his wealthy clients, those with the most money have one kid; none of the millionaires have more than two children, but the uber wealthy have one child. Now I'm not saying there's a science behind this, but it's an interesting trend we've noticed, and we figure if we're going to get on their level, maybe our rationale of being selfish one child parents, isn't so bad!

So to address the negative assumptions and the conversations I've had with moms around the neighborhood and at play-dates, yes, my husband and I are being selfish, for all of the above reasons. Call us terrible parents, but if you ask me, "Why wouldn't you want to have another baby? Why deprive Layla of a sibling she can grow up with?" It's because we love our current lifestyle, and we're being smart and realistic about what we want for our future, and our future is different than what other parents want in theirs. In a time when many adults can't support themselves on their income, let alone a significant other, bringing a child or two or more into the world is ludicrous, especially if it's just because the general population insists. But even with the financial means, my husband and I made the conscious choice (at least for now) to have one child. Is it because we're selfish? Yes. Is it because we believe you only live once, we love date nights, travelling, dining out, and there's so much more we want to do, see, and enjoy as a family? Yes. Is it because the cost of raising one child to age 18 is approximately $305,000 according to the US Dept. of Agriculture, and that's not including college? You bet your ass! I'm not judging people for having more than one child, that's your prerogative. But to us, having an only child means freedom. Freedom to focus all of our attention at overflowing our only daughter with the utmost love, and having that love reciprocated. Seeing that twinkle in her eye knowing she's the most important little person to us, and she feels the same about us. The freedom to give her everything her heart desires, and our freedom to share in those experiences with her, unrestricted. I once heard that parents have the first child for themselves; the second child is for the first. I choose not to have a second child to fulfill breeding assignments. I rather live happily ever after with my husband and only child: spoiled, selfish and lonely!

-OzzyMommy

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