Only Child: Spoiled, Selfish and Lonely?

"Call me selfish but, as the mother of one child, I enjoy more time, energy and resources than I would if I had more children. And it is hard to imagine that this isn't better for my family as well as for me," writes Lauren Sandler, author of One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child and the Joy of Being One. I could not agree more. And while I am not an only child, why should I feel guilty for wanting an only child? I'm proud to say that my daughter has plenty interaction with other children, so I am not concerned about her being lonely, not-to-mention, she gets an enormous amount of undivided attention that children with siblings crave. And despite the societal pressures to have more than one child, today's parents are waiting longer and having fewer children, and one out of five families has an only child. Given the figures, I'd have to argue that only children aren't so bad, and there are many studies to prove it.

As my husband and I were thinking about our friends and how many of those are only children, it's interesting to see that most of our well to-do friends are in fact, only children from excellent backgrounds. Their parents were career-driven and college-educated, and their child has excelled in career as well. So the contention that only children are lonely, spoiled, and selfish is rather interesting, and while I've heard from some that they wished they had a sibling, those very same kids indicated that it was great not having the competitive clash many siblings experience. The notion that only children are selfish and spoiled is also interesting, because while others may hold that opinion of only children, studies indicate they're no more self-involved than many other children, and only children tend to have higher self-esteem, demonstrate higher intelligence and achievements (both personally and career) because parents devote more attention, time and money to them. What is more, my husband and I began to notice that among his wealthy clients, those with the most money have one kid; none of the millionaires have more than two children, but the uber wealthy have one child. Now I'm not saying there's a science behind this, but it's an interesting trend we've noticed, and we figure if we're going to get on their level, maybe our rationale of being selfish one child parents, isn't so bad!

So to address the negative assumptions and the conversations I've had with moms around the neighborhood and at play-dates, yes, my husband and I are being selfish, for all of the above reasons. Call us terrible parents, but if you ask me, "Why wouldn't you want to have another baby? Why deprive Layla of a sibling she can grow up with?" It's because we love our current lifestyle, and we're being smart and realistic about what we want for our future, and our future is different than what other parents want in theirs. In a time when many adults can't support themselves on their income, let alone a significant other, bringing a child or two or more into the world is ludicrous, especially if it's just because the general population insists. But even with the financial means, my husband and I made the conscious choice (at least for now) to have one child. Is it because we're selfish? Yes. Is it because we believe you only live once, we love date nights, travelling, dining out, and there's so much more we want to do, see, and enjoy as a family? Yes. Is it because the cost of raising one child to age 18 is approximately $305,000 according to the US Dept. of Agriculture, and that's not including college? You bet your ass! I'm not judging people for having more than one child, that's your prerogative. But to us, having an only child means freedom. Freedom to focus all of our attention at overflowing our only daughter with the utmost love, and having that love reciprocated. Seeing that twinkle in her eye knowing she's the most important little person to us, and she feels the same about us. The freedom to give her everything her heart desires, and our freedom to share in those experiences with her, unrestricted. I once heard that parents have the first child for themselves; the second child is for the first. I choose not to have a second child to fulfill breeding assignments. I rather live happily ever after with my husband and only child: spoiled, selfish and lonely!

-OzzyMommy

Visit our website ozzybaby.com.

Parent's Day Out

When I asked my husband to take off a little early this Friday for a parent day out and to "test out" daycare for our daughter, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that he took a half-day instead of a couple hours. On the agenda: lunch, exploring our new city and neighborhood, the casino and a movie.

I was ecstatic this morning, as I explained to little Layla that she was going to "school" today. But as we arrived at the daycare center, I was overwhelmed with nervousness and sadness. I don't know how I can go from sheer joy at the thought of freedom for a day, to having separation anxiety before entering the building! The facility instilled a great deal of trust when we toured, and the staff was exceptional, all credentialed and knowledgeable. I've heard stories of moms being more traumatized than the kid going to daycare, so as I went over the laundry list of things I felt the care providers needed to know (as if they don't know these things already), and told them to call me at any point, I pried Layla away from me kicking and screaming and told her goodbye. As I swallow the lump in my throat to avoid crying, the executive director followed me out to reassure that everything will be fine, and it's normal for first-timers to have this feeling. She advised I can call as many times as I want to check in, and to come by if I feel like it. After a few minutes of chatting, the admin staff member that initially took Layla and I back to the room, came to the front desk to advise that Layla was fine seconds after I left, and she's happily playing with a baby doll in a mini kitchen. At that moment I knew Layla was in good hands.

As I drove home a bit more relieved, I thought to myself, "What am I going to do all morning before Chris gets off work?" Well, I went for a 1.5 mile jog around the neighborhood and chatted with neighbors, and scoped a few garage sales. I took an uninterrupted shower, followed by a cup of coffee and breakfast on our deck that opens to the wooded area where you hear nothing but the light sounds of birds and nature...FREEDOM!!! I can get used to this.

-OzzyMommy

Kids Require Concessions, NOT at My Movie!

I can't stress enough the importance of having date night and some adult fun when raising children. It's necessary for your sanity and it gives you time to socialize with other adults, as well as miss your young ones. What I also cannot stress enough of, are parents that simply don't take into account the consideration of other adults that took the time to get a sitter, so that they can enjoy a tantrum free environment.

After a wonderful weekend, my husband and I were discussing that there should be a new set of parenting social rules plastered on a variety of public locales, warning parents not to impede on the adult time of others. You've heard me fuss about obnoxious crying kids at happy hour and romantic restaurants. Now hear me roar about my #1 pet peeve location: movie theaters. If the movie is not rated G or made for kids, don't bring your kid in my movie, because I promise you, they'll get the two cry rule, then I'm marching right down to management to have you and your kid(s) kicked out! If the movie is loud, scary and/or action packed where the sound nearly scares the kid half to death, that's not healthy. Not only that, if your kid cries more than once, odds are, everyone in the theater is thinking, "Get that kid out of here." Lord knows when we watched you walk in with the baby carrier we're dreading it and judging already.  I get it. You want to see the movie. Then either wait for it to come out on Redbox or hire a sitter, because if you're sitting in my theater and your kid cries more than once, I repeat, I'm having management kick you out! You have to make concessions when you have kids, just not in my movie!

-OzzyMommy

Moving With Kids

I thought vacationing with baby is difficult between packing for everyone, arranging nap time, feedings, and everything else. Boy oh boy try moving an entire house! As we began packing items from our temporary apartment to move into the home we just bought, I'm not sure if it's the shake-up in atmosphere that sparks baby's uneasiness and fussiness, but I've got my hands full. Fortunately, we hired movers, but I'm not sure they can keep up with my helpful busy bee. Although she has her moments of confusion, as though she's trying to figure out what is going on, she's also very curious. She is trying to push and pull boxes. She's helping carry items in the house, picking up trash and wiping clean items when she finds tissue or towels. It's the cutest thing I've seen, but boy is it a task trying to keep her out of the way of everyone. Although a move for kids can be disruptive, I've found a few tips to help make the transition easier.

1. Spread the move out over a few days. Some would disagree and say get it all out of the way, but that never happens, especially with baby in tow. We hired movers who packed and moved us, but there were still things that needed to be done around the old apartment. Trying to do that in one day is not only exhausting for parents, but more exhausting for baby. Try to spread the move out, to allow baby to get used to the new surroundings, gradually. 
2. Organize everything. I'm not keen on lists, but my husband sure is. Labeling boxes and making a list of tasks as either a to-do list or items you can delegate makes things much easier, and allows things to get done more efficiently and timely. This also ensures you don't forget anything. 
3. Enlist babysitters. Whether family, friends, or hired sitters, anything that will allows the freedom to get things done without interruption goes a long way, because anyone that's moved with toddlers knows that unpacking in 15 minute intervals is no bueno! Movers are helpful, but unpacking and positioning items exactly where you want them, requires a bit more time. My mom's visiting to allow me that extra time needed to unpack, organize, and she can spend quality time with the munchkin. Getting a place unpacked uninterrupted allows you to make that house a home.
4. Purge. This is probably my favorite, and my husband knows I cannot stand hoarding. I've certainly got a few items myself that could be tossed, but I'm no stranger to getting rid of junk, and if it's not junk and simply taking up space where useful items could rest, then I get rid of it.  My philosophy: If you haven't used it in the last 9 months; if you wouldn't notice that I threw it away or gave it to Goodwill; if it's collecting dust, then we don't need it. Have a garage sale, sell it on Craigslist, give it away, donate it, just don't take it with you to junk up the new home. 
5. Ask for help. This goes without explanation.
6. Allow your kid(s) to help. This is the best way to try and keep them out of the way. Give them a few markers to "label" i.e. draw on boxes, or a broom to sweep will keep them busy. Anything to keep them occupied, will help buy the little bit of time needed to get things done. 

Thanks for reading. 

-OzzyMommy

Visit our website ozzybaby.com

Dr. Thanks For Nothing

I've been dealing with my kid's mustard yellow liquid diarrhea for five days. She's not running a fever, is in fairly normal spirits -- a bit moodier than normal -- but is eating okay and drinking lots of fluids. My concern is the fact that she's blasting through diaper, and outfit after outfit, five to six times a day, and that isn't normal.  Because I'm a firm believer in home remedies and building your immune system, and because my daughter isn't running a fever, I figured I'd wait it out. Since day five is here, I decided to get it checked out. What a waste of time, and money.

Nothing is more outrageous than a doctor charging $120+ for a sick visit, to tell me, what I just told her: my daughter has diarrhea, isn't running a fever and seems well hydrated. You don't have to be a rocket scientist or have a PhD to determine that. I believe in home remedies, and they've worked for me and my family for generations, and my husband's been a lot healthier and has become more of a believer in it as well. I believe doctor's visits should be reserved for absolute musts, such as extreme fever and symptoms, or required -- not recommended -- invasive procedures. I only feel the need to seek the advice of a doctor when none of my homeopathic remedies have worked, and as such, expect an answer (or at least try to give me one) without charging a premium for saying, "Drink lots more fluids, rest, and if it doesn't get better in a few days or worsens, then come back." WTF?! You charged me $120 for that?! I told you I've been doing that. All of those years in med school for that? It's no wonder so many people are taking to yearly fads to stay healthy. The Master Cleanse, gluten-free and the list goes on. With today's advances in technology, I'm highly disappointed at the way many health care professionals operate. It's like a factory assembly line; every person with similar symptoms gets the same treatment, and if you don't like it, come back and we'll bill you a few more hundred dollars to run extra tests, only to tell you the same thing. Wait it out. Thanks again Doctor...for nothing.

-OzzyMommy