But My Baby Doll Did It!

Just when I think I have peace and quiet, and my daughter finally gave up fighting her nap, I hear, "MOMMMYYYYYYYYY!!!" I sprint upstairs, open her room door to be hit with a stench so strong it almost knocked me over. Why is this girl standing up, diaper half off with the most serious look on her face? Baby droppings are scattered around the room; poop streaked sheets and crib, and she has the nerve to hold up her poop smeared baby doll telling me with such conviction, "Baby pooped. Baby NO poop in potty" as though she's actually scolding her baby doll, then snitching on her for not using the potty and crapping everywhere! All I can think is, "FML!" Two loads of laundry later, (both) babies clean, and a good smelling munchkin back in bed, I think I need a drink!

Hey. It's happy hour somewhere in the world!

-Leslie Osmond

Please visit our website ozzybaby.com.


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Makeup Mama

That awkward moment when you hear "Look Mommy!" only to see your child smiling ear to ear wearing your SuperStay 24-hour bright red lipstick. How am I supposed to get that off of her face, especially when I struggle to remove it from my lips at the end of an evening?!! Better yet, we have errands to run today. What kind of mom strolls down the grocery aisles with a not even two year old that looks like she's ready for a night on the town, wearing her evening face?!!

Between holding back laughter and disbelief, and having to tackle her as she sprinted off so that I couldn't take it away, I managed to prevent her from touching the walls with those little red fingers. The next task is figuring out its removal, especially since I don't wear a lot of make-up, therefore don't carry make-up remover. Fortunately, I live for home remedies, and a little warm olive oil and brown sugar works like a charm. It's an excellent exfoliator as well. Happy Monday!

-Leslie Osmond

Please visit our website ozzybaby.com

Child Bribery

I'm not above bribing my child to get her to do something, especially if I don't have the energy or desire to fight a toddler on that particular day. I understand the mixed reviews about whether or not bribing a child is good, but all parents have or will at some point and time, do it. "If you clean your room, you'll get a treat" - or something like, "Here, you can play with my iPhone; I need to talk to daddy."

I use the term bribery loosely, and consider it more a reward and the art of negotiation. There are pros and cons to it. Rewards aka bribery can be used to encourage good behavior, as long as the reward is not used to stop bad behavior. If property used, both you and your child will reap its benefits. The distinction between "bad bribery" or rewarding bad behavior, is when a parent gives into the child while under duress. We've all been there. You're right in the middle of a tense situation. Your child is kicking and screaming, making a scene, so you promise them something you would never offer, except now you want them quiet. This form of bribery or negotiation gives power to the child. My daughter is no angel, and we've had our share of tantrums in public, but I've learned that if I promise her a treat or reward before the anticipated bad behavior, she's likelier to behave well. For instance, we traveled to Colorado this past week. I explained that we were going on an airplane where people have to sit and be nice, and only used inside voices, and no crying is allowed. I told her if she could do this, she would get a treat, along with seeing the grandparents. That incentive was enough for a great flight.

I believe the key to good behavior is acknowledging and rewarding it, rather than being manipulated and extorted by children. While I understand that all children are different, and parenting styles differ, parents, be kind to yourself and take note of what your child is doing, how you're reinforcing and establishing the behavior, and realize that child bribery is okay!

-OzzyMommy

"Freedom!!!"

In Mel Gibson's words during the final scene of Braveheart, "FREEDOM!!!" I couldn't help but have this feeling of euphoria the second our babysitter walked through the door today! I darted out of the house so fast, she probably thought I was crazy. Whew! I am free to enjoy an afternoon without crying, whining, the same word being repeated over and over and over again in a high pitched Minnie Mouse voice. I can breathe and simply do nothing.

Stay-at-home-parents -- hell all parents -- I know you can relate. We love our children but dammit if they don't drive us crazy sometimes! We've all had (or will at some point) experience that day when your head is about to explode because everything is going wrong. Your child is misbehaving and/or being ultra fussy or annoying while the house is a disaster but the last thing you want to do is clean. You have errands to run. You realize you're missing an ingredient for the dish you planned to cook for dinner, and now have to make an extra stop at the grocery store. Then on top of that, your phone won't stop ringing because the whole world all of a sudden needs you for something.  You've bribed your child with a treat to try to keep them quiet while you're on the phone for the tenth time (And yes, I'm not above bribing children.), but you look up, and to your shock and horror, your child  made such a mess that you're forced to give them another bath. The straw that breaks the camel's back is when you're bathing your child and think they're finally settling down, only to see they've just dropped two logs in the bathtub. FML!!! So now I'm bobbing for poop and have to add washing the tub to my list. Let's just say it was time to call in reinforcements! Thank goodness my babysitter was available to give me a break. "FREEDOM!!"

-OzzyMommy

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Death to Mickey

That awkward yet disturbingly funny moment, when you have to explain to your child that the mouse your cat killed outside and brought in, is NOT Mickey Mouse!

Parenting experiences can be disturbingly funny, especially as we evolve as first-time parents. I think all of us begin this quest in delicate fashion, starting with how gently we put on our infant's clothing for the first time, for fear of breaking a little finger or arm, to the amount of research we spend buying first items such as strollers, cribs, breast pumps, etc. We have sleepless nights about our baby's first fever, to worrying about our baby's stuffy nose, irregular sleep patterns, bowel movements, rash, poop texture and color, even though, Google gave us all the answers! Some of my most memorable parenting moments make me chuckle, and I hope all parents alike feel the same.

OzzyMommy

Please visit our site at ozzybaby.com

Grandparent Detox Needed!

It's safe to say that we're experiencing another episode of grandparent withdrawal.  After countless hours of Oma & Opa's undivided attention coupled with new toys, clothes, and what seems to be a never-ending supply of treats for simply breathing, I'd say this dangerous love requires detox!

As our daughter had to be pried from the neck of Oma as she got into the car to leave, I knew that the day along with the next week or so would be challenging. I'm convinced grandparents plot to win grandchildren over with marathon games and tea parties,  swimming pool fun for hours, parks, slides, swings and cookies and treats that guarantee loyalty and affection. Perhaps someone should write a ten step program for how to wean your child back into reality, following grandparent visits!

Although my daughter gets a great deal of attention when it's just our immediate family, I have other tasks that require completion throughout the day. And while my daughter thinks that the endless fussing, whining, and crying post grandparent visit will convince me to forget all other tasks while I focus every ounce of attention to her, she is sadly mistaken. Reality must set in again. I understand her sadness, but I will be firm in getting her back on schedule, which will take a few days, and in the meantime, we're plotting a baby drive-by next year. Nothing says pay-back like dropping off your two-year old with the grandparents while we vacation for about a week! Then again (and knowing my mom), our daughter would never want to come home!

-OzzyMommy

Please visit our website ozzybaby.com

Mine, mine, mine!!!

For the first time today, I experienced an all-out, kicking and screaming, everyone's staring at me like I'm crazy temper tantrum from my 19 month old. Eeek was it embarrassing and I wanted to crawl under a table and hide! Our munchkin fusses and throws occasional tantrums, but this was one of those "legitimate" tantrums where I normally stare at other people in the store and wonder what made the child go off the deep end. Now I'm officially that mom too!

Our daughter is inching toward the terrible twos, and with it comes the latest of her milestones, the "Mine, mine, mine" phase.  Initially we thought it cute, but as the sassing begins, the little evil glares you get along with the "No Mine" comments, and the occasional testing us to see how we'll react when she hits, is making us reevaluate how to curb this behavior. While we understand most of it's just a phase, we're noticing that the key deterrent is acknowledging our disappointment and verbalizing that "Not sharing makes mommy very sad" or "We don't hit or push" and physically making a sad face works best for us. I never considered myself the type of mom that would use tactics like that, but our daughter is so intuitive that she'll feed off of our frustration, and use it to fuel more bad behavior. As such, the corny time-outs I used to joke about and considered lame parenting actually work for us! Nothing makes our little one more upset than disappointing us, but realizing that it's okay to make mistakes -- both child and parent -- enables fixing those mistakes and giving the child the steps to correct bad behavior much easier. Needless to say, I think she'll think twice about her actions today. And thank goodness nap time!

-OzzyMommy

Please visit our website ozzybaby.com