Child Bribery

I'm not above bribing my child to get her to do something, especially if I don't have the energy or desire to fight a toddler on that particular day. I understand the mixed reviews about whether or not bribing a child is good, but all parents have or will at some point and time, do it. "If you clean your room, you'll get a treat" - or something like, "Here, you can play with my iPhone; I need to talk to daddy."

I use the term bribery loosely, and consider it more a reward and the art of negotiation. There are pros and cons to it. Rewards aka bribery can be used to encourage good behavior, as long as the reward is not used to stop bad behavior. If property used, both you and your child will reap its benefits. The distinction between "bad bribery" or rewarding bad behavior, is when a parent gives into the child while under duress. We've all been there. You're right in the middle of a tense situation. Your child is kicking and screaming, making a scene, so you promise them something you would never offer, except now you want them quiet. This form of bribery or negotiation gives power to the child. My daughter is no angel, and we've had our share of tantrums in public, but I've learned that if I promise her a treat or reward before the anticipated bad behavior, she's likelier to behave well. For instance, we traveled to Colorado this past week. I explained that we were going on an airplane where people have to sit and be nice, and only used inside voices, and no crying is allowed. I told her if she could do this, she would get a treat, along with seeing the grandparents. That incentive was enough for a great flight.

I believe the key to good behavior is acknowledging and rewarding it, rather than being manipulated and extorted by children. While I understand that all children are different, and parenting styles differ, parents, be kind to yourself and take note of what your child is doing, how you're reinforcing and establishing the behavior, and realize that child bribery is okay!

-OzzyMommy

"Freedom!!!"

In Mel Gibson's words during the final scene of Braveheart, "FREEDOM!!!" I couldn't help but have this feeling of euphoria the second our babysitter walked through the door today! I darted out of the house so fast, she probably thought I was crazy. Whew! I am free to enjoy an afternoon without crying, whining, the same word being repeated over and over and over again in a high pitched Minnie Mouse voice. I can breathe and simply do nothing.

Stay-at-home-parents -- hell all parents -- I know you can relate. We love our children but dammit if they don't drive us crazy sometimes! We've all had (or will at some point) experience that day when your head is about to explode because everything is going wrong. Your child is misbehaving and/or being ultra fussy or annoying while the house is a disaster but the last thing you want to do is clean. You have errands to run. You realize you're missing an ingredient for the dish you planned to cook for dinner, and now have to make an extra stop at the grocery store. Then on top of that, your phone won't stop ringing because the whole world all of a sudden needs you for something.  You've bribed your child with a treat to try to keep them quiet while you're on the phone for the tenth time (And yes, I'm not above bribing children.), but you look up, and to your shock and horror, your child  made such a mess that you're forced to give them another bath. The straw that breaks the camel's back is when you're bathing your child and think they're finally settling down, only to see they've just dropped two logs in the bathtub. FML!!! So now I'm bobbing for poop and have to add washing the tub to my list. Let's just say it was time to call in reinforcements! Thank goodness my babysitter was available to give me a break. "FREEDOM!!"

-OzzyMommy

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Death to Mickey

That awkward yet disturbingly funny moment, when you have to explain to your child that the mouse your cat killed outside and brought in, is NOT Mickey Mouse!

Parenting experiences can be disturbingly funny, especially as we evolve as first-time parents. I think all of us begin this quest in delicate fashion, starting with how gently we put on our infant's clothing for the first time, for fear of breaking a little finger or arm, to the amount of research we spend buying first items such as strollers, cribs, breast pumps, etc. We have sleepless nights about our baby's first fever, to worrying about our baby's stuffy nose, irregular sleep patterns, bowel movements, rash, poop texture and color, even though, Google gave us all the answers! Some of my most memorable parenting moments make me chuckle, and I hope all parents alike feel the same.

OzzyMommy

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Grandparent Detox Needed!

It's safe to say that we're experiencing another episode of grandparent withdrawal.  After countless hours of Oma & Opa's undivided attention coupled with new toys, clothes, and what seems to be a never-ending supply of treats for simply breathing, I'd say this dangerous love requires detox!

As our daughter had to be pried from the neck of Oma as she got into the car to leave, I knew that the day along with the next week or so would be challenging. I'm convinced grandparents plot to win grandchildren over with marathon games and tea parties,  swimming pool fun for hours, parks, slides, swings and cookies and treats that guarantee loyalty and affection. Perhaps someone should write a ten step program for how to wean your child back into reality, following grandparent visits!

Although my daughter gets a great deal of attention when it's just our immediate family, I have other tasks that require completion throughout the day. And while my daughter thinks that the endless fussing, whining, and crying post grandparent visit will convince me to forget all other tasks while I focus every ounce of attention to her, she is sadly mistaken. Reality must set in again. I understand her sadness, but I will be firm in getting her back on schedule, which will take a few days, and in the meantime, we're plotting a baby drive-by next year. Nothing says pay-back like dropping off your two-year old with the grandparents while we vacation for about a week! Then again (and knowing my mom), our daughter would never want to come home!

-OzzyMommy

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Mine, mine, mine!!!

For the first time today, I experienced an all-out, kicking and screaming, everyone's staring at me like I'm crazy temper tantrum from my 19 month old. Eeek was it embarrassing and I wanted to crawl under a table and hide! Our munchkin fusses and throws occasional tantrums, but this was one of those "legitimate" tantrums where I normally stare at other people in the store and wonder what made the child go off the deep end. Now I'm officially that mom too!

Our daughter is inching toward the terrible twos, and with it comes the latest of her milestones, the "Mine, mine, mine" phase.  Initially we thought it cute, but as the sassing begins, the little evil glares you get along with the "No Mine" comments, and the occasional testing us to see how we'll react when she hits, is making us reevaluate how to curb this behavior. While we understand most of it's just a phase, we're noticing that the key deterrent is acknowledging our disappointment and verbalizing that "Not sharing makes mommy very sad" or "We don't hit or push" and physically making a sad face works best for us. I never considered myself the type of mom that would use tactics like that, but our daughter is so intuitive that she'll feed off of our frustration, and use it to fuel more bad behavior. As such, the corny time-outs I used to joke about and considered lame parenting actually work for us! Nothing makes our little one more upset than disappointing us, but realizing that it's okay to make mistakes -- both child and parent -- enables fixing those mistakes and giving the child the steps to correct bad behavior much easier. Needless to say, I think she'll think twice about her actions today. And thank goodness nap time!

-OzzyMommy

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Toddlers Too Young for Sports?

What age is too early for a child to play sports?

We've all heard the controversies surrounding kids specializing in activities at a young age and some parents' outrage that sports for children should be fun rather than competitive. While I agree that there are some parent-athlete fanatics that are extreme, when watching my daughter mimic dancers and athletes on television, or when she tries to participate with kids at the park, I had to ask myself is it really so bad?  

In my opinion, there's a fine line between your child wanting to participate, and parents forcing their child (many whose kids are visibly NOT athletes) to engage in activities that become work, for the child. When chatting among adults, more and more are buying into the idea that the more sports activities their child is enrolled, the greater their chances at exposure and a scholarship for college, better yet, a professional career. While this drive for an advantage in later years to avoid paying outrageous college tuition rates is understandable, early involvement does not guarantee a competitive edge. The idea that if you get your kids' name out early enough, then the battle for scarce varsity spots is no competition. As a former athlete, I value the winner-takes-all mentality, but not at the expense of the child. When children are involved in activities too early because the parents forced or insisted they participate, rather than it being the child's joy and desire, that's when many children burn out or worse, they can themselves right before or at the peak of their careers. Furthermore, it doesn't guarantee future athletic success. Do I think children should be allowed to participate in sports early? Yes. But only if the child shows signs of interest. When you're forcing attendance, or they're no longer having fun, or you're having to hold them back a year for the competitive edge, that activity is probably not for them. Physical education and activities are a great thing, just make sure that at an early age, your child enjoys it.

-OzzyMommy

Things Just Got Real

The realization that grandma and grandpa had to go back  home, and your child thinks the 24/7 undivided attention she received, is going to continue. HELP!!!

As a stay-at-home mom, I'm at home with my daughter 24/7, but obviously, there are other tasks around the house that require attention. So having my parents aka Oma and Opa in town, makes things much easier and manageable. As our little one is showered with gifts, cuddled, and her every peep answered, she enjoyed a week of fun in the sun swimming at all hours of the day, she "cooked" for us, sang songs non-stop, and the list goes on. As I got home from running errands the other day, the smirk on her pizza covered face was hilarious, as she exclaimed, "Momma. Pizza! Pizza! (in her best Little Caesars commercial voice)." She was in heaven and loved every moment of it.

Needless to say, we are back to reality. It was heart-breaking that I had to pry her little fingers from the clutches of Oma, as she cried endless crocodile tears when realizing the grandparents were leaving. It was so sad, but I think after their departure just three hours ago, I miss them just as much. My little terror -- I mean angel of a daughter -- is certainly a handful today.  The key is standing your ground in order to get kids back on schedule, in an effort to retrain them to entertain themselves during the times parents complete chores, and also for our sanity. She's a great little girl, but she definitely knows how to work us all. Fortunately, we won't have to entertain next time, and will have the opportunity to visit Oma & Opa in September. Whew!

-OzzyMommy